Not a Topic for Polite Company

A week after I attempted suicide,
I met a beautiful ballet dancer who told me
he was happy to finally meet someone so
grounded.

Everybody I know is really unstable, he said.
You have everything so together.

I hadn’t told anyone.
The pills. The nausea.
The two days of sleeping
because I didn’t have the energy
to get up to find more pills.

All they care about is their careers.
You have perspective. You see the world differently.

We’d been for a walk in a park,
the tall fountains spewing water on
a silent day. I’d shown him
my favorite spot: a seat along a high
arched wall that reminded me of Paris.

It was our first date and I’d shared
how I thought we humans have only
passion and fear to guide us in life.

Passion and fear, he said. I like that.
Then he took my hand and kissed me.